20th Oct 2013, by ciaobabyg, filed in Never Give Up
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I am so tired of feeling like a hideous toad.  I am all in this time.  I’ve waited way too long!

24th May 2012, by ciaobabyk, filed in Uncategorized
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Okay. So my husband started doing P90X a few weeks ago. Now he has always been in pretty good shape and he doesn’t need to lose weight like I do. But he wasn’t, say, ripped or anything. Well, in 3 short weeks he is starting to look ripped. His arms look amazing. I’ve heard a lot of great things about P90X but seriously, the proof is in the pudding.

So I decided to do it. “Decide. Commit. Succeed.” That is the P90X motto. And it is a big commitment. You have to do hour long workouts every single day. And not easy workouts. Super hard workouts. No wonder it works! Day one he says, “Okay now we are going to do pull ups.” Seriously? I can’t do pull ups! But he says, “Now don’t say ‘I can’t’ say, ‘I have some trouble with that right now.’” I forget that losing weight and getting fit is just as much about positive psychology as anything else. It is a mind game too, which can be just as challenging.

Needless to say, pull ups? I have some trouble with that right now. But by then end of this I should be able to do unassisted pull ups, so let’s go! I’m in. I’m committed. And I WILL succeed.

13th May 2012, by ciaobabyk, filed in Uncategorized
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While I’ve been holding steady at the same weight, CiaobabyG has been kicking butt…literally! I am so proud of you sis!!!

I’ve got to get on the ball and catch up!!

Today was Mother’s Day but I spent the first half of it at graduation. My students graduated today and so I went to celebrate the event with them. It was pretty amazing! The commencement speaker was incredible and the ceremony was really awesome. Since I’m leaving the university this year it felt a little like graduation for me as well. Very bittersweet and nostalgic. I’ll miss it here!

I ate pretty well today but didn’t have a chance to work out. About 5:00 this evening we got the call that we’ll have another showing on the house tomorrow (yay!) so we spent the evening after the kids went to bed cleaning house again (boo!). I guess you probably burn some calories doing that though, so not all bad!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of those beautiful, wonderful mothers out there – especially my own!! :)

10th May 2012, by ciaobabyk, filed in Uncategorized
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Today was a good day. I made healthy choices for lunch, which is my biggest battleground, and went for a nice, long, hilly walk with my husband and kids.

It is really strange how psychological all of this is. Before I started this plan and was just eating whatever I really wasn’t doing that poorly. I didn’t have crazy craving or stuff my face with cookies. But now that I am watching what I eat all of a sudden I want everything in sight! Stuff I wouldn’t typically glance twice at seems to create such a struggle in me. I went grocery shopping and EVERYTHING looked so good. Why is that? It is so frustrating!

8th May 2012, by ciaobabyk, filed in Uncategorized
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Okay, so today was not the best day. I am struggling with going back to work to a job that I will be at for only a few more months where I have basically already been forgotten. So I have to leave my babies every day, which I HATE, to go to a job where I am no longer wanted or needed. It doesn’t make for the best days of my life.

That is no excuse though. Actually, although it is only the first week back to this I am already sick of the excuses. We can always find SOME reason to justify our actions. Why not just be up front and truthful? I could have made a better choice today but my flesh (if you will) wanted something else. Okay it wasn’t ALL bad. At Panera instead of ordering a full Frontega Chicken sandwich (yum!) I ordered half of it and paired it with the low-fat Chicken Tortilla soup. But I should have gotten a salad instead and chose an apple over bread as a side. I paused when he asked be and almost did, but in the end I chose…poorly (movie line anyone???).

I did force myself to take the stairs again today, which was good. And I did a good deal of walking today instead of taking the bus as I normally would have done. So I guess there was some good and some bad. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll do a better job of choosing…wisely.

6th May 2012, by ciaobabyk, filed in Uncategorized
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As usual in my weight-loss endeavors, I am doing great with the exercise and not so great with the eating. Today my students threw me a going away party at the park and there was all kinds of yummy food there. I didn’t do too bad because I was trying to circulate and talk to everyone. But I certainly didn’t make any effort to eat well. That has always been a problem for me. I’m not a fan of healthy foods in general. Actually, when I eat them I like them but for whatever reason I have an aversion to eating healthy stuff. I have no idea why I’m that way. I mean, oranges, apples, strawberries, salad…all yummy things. But I’ll eat cheese and bread over those things any day of the week. I’ve tried to commit myself to eating one piece of fruit every day for a month. Sort of a mini Lent or short-term New Year’s resolution, which to me makes more sense then trying to do anything for an entire year. But I’ve been so busy the past few days I’ve forgotten about it. Unless eating bananas in banana pudding counts. Does that count?

Workout-wise I did awesome. We took the boys on a long hilly walk and then I came home and did cross training with my husband. I’m sore but it feels good. Can’t wait to see some results and feel stronger again!

6th May 2012, by ciaobabyg, filed in Working Out
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I am excited to be back working with ciaobabyk.  I promised I would blog today and am forcing my way through this entry.

Let’s just put this out there.  My biggest roadblock to weight loss is getting in the gym.  And it’s not because I hate working out.  My biggest problem is actually getting out of the car when I get there.  I see all the beautiful ladies in their beautiful workout clothes heading in, and I want to hide.  I feel like I don’t belong.  I feel like they will judge me.  That I somehow have to be skinny and perfect in order to be “allowed” to work out.  It’s a ridiculous feeling.  I know that with my head.  And I psyche myself up before going, telling myself I am just as good as them.  That this is a gym, if anyone should be there, it’s me.  That I don’t have to be perfect.  That I am at least getting in there.  …

Even though my head knows all of that, my heart and emotions strive to control me in that moment when I sit in my car and watch the pretty people parade.  Once I get out and get moving toward the gym, all is good.  Once I am in the gym I am, for the most part, able to feel like I belong; and I somehow manage to ignore the fabulous fit people flitting around me.

The problem is getting in.

5th May 2012, by ciaobabyk, filed in Uncategorized
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Yesterday was a hectic day. I’ve started back to work after maternity leave and we also had some friends over for a cook-out so I was working non-stop all day. Then, about 7:30 pm we got the word that they would be showing our house between 9 and 10 this morning! I looked around at all the kids running around, cheesy hand-prints on the walls and chairs, food and toys and beer bottles everywhere…I had to laugh at the timing. Needless to say we were up most of the night getting the house ready for that. Prayers and crossed fingers everyone for an offer on our house!

Food-wise I did okay. There was a lot of temptation, but I was mostly too busy to eat much. Today was okay too. I realize that I really need to put a tracking plan back in place to give me some boundaries. It is easy right now to just eat whatever, but I’ve got to get on track which can only be done by tracking what you consume. I don’t care what anyone else says – it is the only way to KNOW what you are eating. I don’t know how many times I’ve thought to myself, “I didn’t eat that much today.” But when I tallied it up I was shocked at the excess. Any suggestions on tracking software for a Blackberry?

So little steps and big steps (too much Yo Gabba Gabba – yikes). The big step is this: I asked my husband to be my personal trainer. This is a big step for me because I am super…Competitive? Bossy? Neurotic? I’m not sure what it is but I hate to put myself at a level I perceive as “beneath” him or something. Especially with working out becuase although I am out of shape I know a lot about it and used to be an athlete. That sounds insane, I know. Especially when I’ve got a great fitness resource in my husband. But what can I say, I’ve got issues! I’m trying to work some of those out along this journey as well.

The first session went really well. We did a lot of cross training and he started me slow, which I need coming off a C-section and being very out of shape in general. We are going to try to do that 3-4 times per week in addition to our walks with the kids which we do pretty regularly. I am hoping to see some great strides in the next few weeks – I can do this!!

3rd May 2012, by ciaobabyk, filed in Uncategorized
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I’ve eaten at Chick-fil-a probably hundreds of times. Personally I don’t think there is a better fast food restaurant around and we frequent it now because really, where else can you eat in peace with little kids? Sit-down restaurants are pretty much out for the next few years!

Anyway, we went there for dinner tonight and after I finished my food I still felt hungary. This is not atypical for a nursing mom because you need more calories, and I was thinking about getting more food. But I knew I didn’t really need it. Then I caught sight of the Brownie Sundae on their menu and thought, “I MUST have that now.”

In all the years I’ve eaten at CFL I have never had a sundae. Never been tempted by one. Never even thought about it. But the minute I decide that I’m going to try to lose weight all of a sudden EVERYTHING becomes tempting. It must be that, “You always want what you can’t have” thing.

I’m happy to say that I resisted the temptation. In fact, I did really well today! Took the 4 flights of stairs up and down to my office several times today and made healthier choices too. Its a daily battle and I’m happy to report that I won this one – that much closer to winning the war!

2nd May 2012, by ciaobabyk, filed in Uncategorized
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Wouldn’t it be nice if we had won this battle in 2003 when we started this thing? How much time have I wasted being fat? Weigh(!) too much.

So a few days ago I’m at a friend’s house for Bible study and I’m in the dining room nursing my 3 month-old son. I’m sitting in one of the end chairs; you know, the ones with the arm rests (why do they only put arm rests on the end chairs?). I start to stand up to re-situate us and *GASP* the chair comes up with me, my butt attached to the arm rests. I know I just had a baby but all I can think is OMG, WTF…HOW did I get here? AGAIN? Or maybe its STILL. I’ve lost track of the up/down yo-yo of my weight by now but whichever it is I can’t stand it anymore.

I HATE being fat.

I HATE that when I think about the awesome trip I’ve got coming up to visit family, one of the first things I think about is the uncomfortable plane ride. Yes, 2 kids under 2 will make it a practical nightmare but I’m not even talking about that. I’m talking about sitting in those sardine can seats where my butt/thigh stays firmly under the arm rest and keeps it from going all the way down (what is it about arm rests?). And the worry that the guy in the seat next to me is thinking, “Oh GREAT. I’ve got the fatty sitting next to me.”

But for once, this isn’t about what other people think. It is about me. I am DONE with fat. DONE with excuses. DONE with laziness and lack of self control. I CAN do this. And I WILL.

CIAO fat!